Love Buckets

I want more kids. Really, I do. I usually just shake my head and laugh whenever anyone says, "Time for another one!" I don't know what it is about having a three year old that makes people want to boss me and my uterus around. "Somebody needs a playmate!" "You don't wanna wait too long!" "She'd be such a good big sister!" I've been quick to brush it off and say something sarcastic like, "ARE YOU CRAZY?!" or "HA! Yeah right." But those remarks have slowly morphed into "Yeah, maybe pretty soon." or "Yeah, I think we're almost ready." The truth is, we're ready. I've always known I wanted more than one, and now that my daughter is three (and more importantly, out of diapers), I'd say it's about time. The thing is, I'm scared. I'm not scared of going through the morning sickness, labor pains or midnight feedings all over again. I'm scared that I love my daughter too much to be a good parent to another child.

I love my kid. I mean, I REALLY love my kid. I love her so much that I'm not sure I could ever love another human being as much as I love her (sorry, babe). I almost feel guilty for even considering taking my undivided attention off of her. I don't want to be a bad mother to her and have too much love for a new baby. But what business is it of mine to have another baby and NOT love it too much? I've expressed this fear to a handful of family and friends and someone said something that really resonated with me. She talked about love buckets. It went something like this...

"When you have a child, you are given a bucket. This bucket is filled to the top with love for that child. It's full. It can't get any fuller. When you have a second child, you're given a second bucket. You're not asked to split the love for your first child between two buckets. You're given another bucket, full of just as much love."

The analogy helped. It made me realize how crazy I am for worrying. When I remember my mother, I don't ever remember feeling like she loved me more or less than either of my two brothers. I knew she loved us all, A LOT. I know I can do that, too. Why? Because I'll be carrying two love buckets! I'll also be carrying two kids. Oh, and two containers for snacks. And maybe two security blankets. Hmm, and probably two of their favorite toys. Maybe two extra sets of clothes. You know, in case they throw up or something. Dang, that's a lot of stuff to carry.

"Yeah, I think we're almost ready."